Total Disaster

I'm an optimist and do my best to find the silver lining in any cloud, but brides often only see clouds. The wedding day has come to be so important in the life of a young lady that she often sees nothing good in tiny setbacks. It's easy to understand how this is. A little child dreams of her wedding day. As she goes to weddings in her family she sees only the good stuff with her child's eyes. She doesn't see the behind the scenes problems that the rest of the adult family members do their best to hide from the guests. As this little girl grows, she adds to her dream of her perfect wedding day, her day to be the princess. She develops a list in her head of what needs to be to make that day perfect. Any little thing that threatens any one item on that list is hard for her to deal with, but if several items go wrong at the same time, she can be devastated.

When this happens you need to step back and take a look at the big picture, select the item that is the easiest to fix, fix that item, than move on to another. Some hard choices need to be made and sometimes what results is not the exact dream the little girl developed from a life of dreaming BUT it can be every bit as precious a wedding day as the adult lady can cherish.

I bought the dress off the rack. It is SNUG. You can somewhat see the lines across the waist where it is tight. It is also 3 - 5 inches too long with my shoes on. I purchased it hoping I could drop the 5 or 10 lbs needed to make it feel like it fits perfectly, not too tight, but not so loose I'm doing the "strapless dress pull up motion" because it's slipping around my chest. At the moment, I cannot zip it up with a bra on. Without a bra, and an empty stomach, I could make it through the night - but I'm going to eat - so I want some room to breathe. Also, when it is zipped up, you can see the "pull" on the zipper and it causes the little flap to expose the zipper, rather than it lying flat against by back hiding the zipper. Oh - I'm still 7 months away from our wedding, but I'm over the "losing weight." I'm just focusing on maintaining a steady weight until the wedding and after so I'm looking for a sewing solution instead. =)

A) There is maybe 1/4 inch of (what I'll call) "zipper flap" that is intended to fold over and cover the zipper. Would you recommend changing out the existing zipper and replacing it with an "invisible zipper" that meets edge to edge when it's closed and eliminates the "flap"? If so, do you think that little extra 1/4 potentially gained from the change would affect the fit enough to give me the room I'm looking for? Does 1/4 inch make that much of a difference or is more typically needed?

B) The top of the zipper ends right at my ribcage, where I'm feeling the most pull. Do you think it is possible to lower the position of the top of the zipper so it ends lower and doesn't put the pull on my ribcage or the zipper? Would that give me extra breathing room? Would the dress stay up?!

C) If putting in a corset/lace up back is an option, do you think it would look "OK" with the style dress? I'm unsure. Would it negatively affect the lace and beading around the bodice? If I left the zipper alone, would it be possible to let the dress out if there is enough hem on the inside? I ask because the lace covering the bodice is sewn into the side seams and I just don't know if that's easily achieved since I'm not a seamstress.

D) Length - It's about 3 - 5 inches too long (not sure), but the bottom has a finished lace edge that I would lose if we cut it off (in the picture of me called "full front" in the bottom right corner you can slightly see the edging to the lace that goes all the way around the bottom). I saw your "creative hemming" post and I loved the idea of the gathered stitching lines to pull it up. Can it work with my dress? Would you recommend? If not, am I doomed to lose the beautiful edging in the front? If so, would it look funny that the finished edge suddenly appeared in the train?

E) BUSTLING - I love the Australian Bustle you did. Absolutely LOVE it. Would that look good on my dress? (If so, can you recommend anyone in Denver who can achieve it?!) My second choice would be the French Pick Up bustle you did for the gown with all the lace where there was a 1 point ballroom pick up on the second layer and the 6 point french bustle to the lace on the top layer. If neither of these would work, would you be willing to suggest a bustle option?

A) I can't see 1/4 inch doing much for your situation and swapping out zippers will be costly. If you dislike the strained look of the lapped zipper I doubt you'll like the look of a stressed invisible one.

B) The dress would stay up because the support is at the waist not the top, but this is another alteration that may cost much for little or no effect. If there is room in the seams, letting out the sides is better

C) This is a tuffy. Putting in a lace up back is another very expensive operation. I think any dress looks great with a lace-up back. I love them and they are very popular. There is usually at least 1" of seam on each side of most gowns that can be let out. That's a total of 2" and works for most situations like yours. And from your pictures, you might not need that much to relieve the stress causing the wrinkling. It's a matter of taste as to the look you are going for to choose between lace-up or letting out the sides. The sides will cost less if the fabric is there to do it.

E) The Austrian bustle is usually used for gowns with no decoration on the train. It adds a design to an otherwise plain train. I don't recommend it for lacy trains like yours because it bunches up the design. Your skirt is also very full with many layers. The Austrian will be difficult to do with all those layers and will add a lot of fullness to your backside that most brides hate.

Hi Leanna,
Although I have some time before the wedding (less than 4.5 months), I've been worried all along about my dress. I purchased it on a sample sale and loved the style, but I knew even then that it will need to be taken in to fit me well. The dress tag states it's a size 10. I'm 28.5" in waist, 33.5" in chest. Street clothes are usually size 4/6 (you can never tell with stores anymore). The dress is all lace as per photo. I'm starting to worry that if it's 2 sizes too big, I might be told to go and get a new dress altogether. I have several questions:
1. how early should I go for my alterations? The seamstress keeps saying it's normal to do it a month before, as I may gain/loose weight, but I've never had a problem with a fluctuating weight.
2. It has sawn in bra cups. (which of course are not my size). Would you recommend to get a corset bra with a low back?
3. Could I make the front straps thinner, without impacting too much of the straps at the back? Especially since the location of the straps will probably be close to edges of my shoulders and what should I expect to be sawn in to keep them from falling down my arms?
4. Is it relatively easy with this type of dress to add an appearance of empire waist line?
5. Would you recommend adding tulle under the dress to open it up a little at the bottom?
6. What type of bustle would you recommend?
7 and most importantly: since the dress needs to be sized down in chest, waist and hips, will it impact the zipper line or the bottom part of the dress and what approximate costs should I expect seeing as it's lace?

Thank you a million for your expertise!!!

To start at the beginning, I had tried on a size 2 of that style at an Alfred Angelo storefront and it had fit perfectly, with the exception of hem length. However, I was only visiting my parents at the time (400 miles away) and there are no Alfred Angelo storefronts in my area. I ordered the dress through a bridal salon that was relatively near me. It was several months after I had tried on the dress, so I couldn't remember exactly what size dress that I had tried on. I only remembered that in Alfred Angelo dresses I was very close to my normal size. They had said I was 33-26 and told me I was between a 4 or 6, so I chose the smallest size available on their size chart, size 4. The dress came in and it was not the perfect fit that I remembered, which was very disappointing. The corset was so tightened that it was just a straight line and it still needed to be hefted up every once in a while because the waist was too loose. It was not until I went home and was checking online that I found that the smallest size was 2, which made me very mad, since if I knew I was in between those two sizes, I would have tried to figure out which size I had worn the first time and they should have presented all the information necessary for me to make my decision. There was a lot of initial hassle, but the store manager agreed to exchange the dress for the 2, with him putting in a rush order for the dress and me accepting the responsibility of the dress not fitting since the size 2 was for a person with measurements of 33-24 and possibly my size 4 was missized. I had the knowledge of fitting the dress, so I said I wanted the 2 although I still had a lot of anxiety after talking to him. I wanted to bring the dress I had back when I picked up the bridesmaid dresses. They were expected to come in within a couple of weeks, but the manager wanted me to send the dress back sooner, saying that the manufacturer didn't like doing that. I sent the dress in and a week or two later, I got the call that my dress had come in. I was pleasantly surprised as the expected ETA was in early November (my wedding day is 11/29). When I tried on the new dress, it was smaller than the last one but still big. I got the line as I had gotten with the first dress that every dress needs alterations. I went home and measured the dress. It was around 29" on the waist and ~35" on the bust if the dress was placed at the corset size that was dictated by the clips on the modesty panel. The measurements were only 1" smaller than the last dress. My mom raised the possibility that they had just sewn in the dress I'd sent back to them, but the tags had changed and some beads that were loose were now okay on this dress. The detail on this new dress was very close to the seams though and the construction of the dress seems more hurried (top band isn't centered, top of front bodice kind of sticks out), so it did look suspicious in that aspect. We complained again about the sizing, so I was told to send my dress in for analysis at Alfred Angelo. While we were waiting for them, I asked my mom to go back to the store and check out the size 2 dress. She measured a 26.5" waist. Their QC department analyzed it and they called my mom to say that it was indeed a size 2. My mom asked what measurements they had. They said something about all the measurements matching the size chart (measuring 33"-24"). She said that my waist is 26" so how could the dress be 24"? They replied that the bridal shop may have measured me wrong (Can you imagine a 21-22" waist!). She tried to get their expected specifications for measurements of a size 2 dress. They wouldn't answer that. My mom tried to talk to the supervisor then, but got an even more unsympathetic reply with the continued repetition of size 2, 33-24, and what's my address so they can send the dress back. The bridal store manager was consulted and he said if they said it was a size 2, there was nothing more he could do. I wrote an email, requesting confirmation of the measurements and asking for their expected measurements again to try to get something documented, as all our correspondence had been over the telephone so far. I also mentioned trying the size 2, saying I was disappointed in their variation of construction, because the fit of the dress was a strong factor in my choosing the dress. They replied back that they would send it to their QC dept again and send it to a second of their seamstresses. If the second seamstress also confirmed it was a size 2, they would send the dress back (and I assume there would be no more discussion on size).

1. With all the emails you've received, has anyone else had an experience like this and is it a common thing?

2. I'm pretty sure I'm measuring the dress right and if I'm not, I don't think I'd be that off. Do you know if there is a certain technique of measuring other than measuring the circumference of the smallest part of the dress? I understand there is variation in construction of the dress, but 2.5" of variation?

3. I can't understand their reluctance to tell us how they determined that the dress was indeed a size 2. I would think that would help resolve the issue faster vs. us asking the same questions and them saying the same answer over and over again. If we were trying to make our own dress, we could just work from the dress we have. In my line of work, I'm very used to having a design of an object and a tolerance for creation of that design that determines if it was manufactured acceptably or not. Is the wedding dress industry very secretive about their documents like that or do they just not work that way?

3. Since the second seamstress is one they work with, I doubt that she would not support their verdict. If that does happen, I don't know what other recourse could be done. Any suggestions other than the BBB?

4. If they won't do anymore, is my dress alterable without changing the intrinsic design of the dress? The detail on the current dress is already at the very edge of the seam. If it's taken in anymore, it would be taking away the end of the curls. I had said that to the store manager with the size 4 dress and he said no, it wouldn't change that detail. The tailor would just redo the embroidery and put the beads back on. He made it sound like it was an easy thing to do, but that seems kind of time consuming to me, which would mean a very expensive alteration. Is it as easy as he keeps making it sound?

5. I've attached a link to some more pictures of my dress. Given what you see, would it be easier to just go ahead and get it altered or attempt to look for a new dress that fits in less than 2 months? I would prefer to have a wider v like on the model, but at the very least to have the waist taken in so i don't have to keep pulling it up. I've seen on your website that the top of a strapless dress doesn't need to be tight.

6. The dress is extremely finished on the inside and I'm just wondering what a tailor would do in general (or how you would approach it) to take in the dress so I'd know what to expect when questioning possible alteration folks. I'd hate to have assumptions that they would do something and then end up with something else because I was supposed to say something

Right now, I'm really feeling like the wedding industry is taking advantage of the fact that a person only gets married once (or not too many times) over their lifetime and capitalize on that inexperience. If I hadn't tried on the dress that fit me, I probably would have accepted what they said, thinking yes, it's normal to have alterations done and yeah, I guess a size 2 just comes that way. I understand that everyone is built differently, so that you would therefore order the closest fit to you, trying to make as few alterations as possible, but if you ordered according to the size chart, isn't it only reasonable to get something close to the measurement and at least one of the points fit you? I understand they wouldn't make it exactly 33 or 24 as the dress could be designed for better movement or whatever, but something close... The bridesmaid dresses are pretty close to their size chart, but it is a different manufacturer. As well, in a normal retail store if you saw something there and went to another of their chains, you usually see the same thing. Even if you were to compare a rack of shirts or something, you'd see a little variation, but they'd be pretty identical. Is it unrealistic to expect that from a wedding dress?

Thank you very much for making it through this long email! Any input you could give would be a great help. I just need an opinion from someone who is unconnected to the parties and dress. Thanks in advance!

Wow, I wish I had found this site before alterations began, but alas... Thank you for all your advice and wisdom!

Here's my drama: I purchased a Maggie Sottero gown that I absolutely LOVE. It has the most amazing neckline - a wide, off the shoulder continuation of the beaded and embroidered bodice makes up the cap sleeves.

I went for my first fitting and got it pinned in at the bodice so it hugs my body and doesn't stick out. I have photos from the fitting, and the pins were taking the middle of the "sleeve" part in, and the continuous line of the bodice was very much still apparent and in-tact.

I went for my second fitting, and the sleeves had been completely cut off and tucked into the bodice to make it fit. Also, the sleeves had been tacked in more towards the center of the bust. When I asserted that it was definitely not okay, she pulled her stitches out, which is when I realized the sleeves had been cut apart from the dress - I almost burst into tears. We tacked the sleeves more at an angle, which was better as it was the original line of the dress, but they look like sleeves and not that continuous bodice that I feel makes the dress special. I'm hoping maybe there was a communication problem, even though the seamstress knows English. I held out the ends of the (heartbreakingly) cut lace and held it over the dress and asked "you can put this back here to make it look continuous again, right?" She said no. I've since called the saleswoman (who I've had a great experience with), and even stopped by the store to look at the sample dress because I couldn't stop stressing about it. The saleswoman has assured me that the seamstress can make it happen and that she has had conversations with the seamstress about how concerned I am, but she was not in the room when the seamstress told me she couldn't do it.

Does it look to you like it could be made to look like the original design if the lace was cut off the dress at the sleeve? I only have 3 weeks until the wedding, so I'm assuming there's no time for them to get me a new one and start over. I'm SO upset, because the dress was quite pricey, and I was NOT told that the design would be altered. I love this dress, and the bodice was by far my favorite part of it. If I had been told she was taking that design element away, I would have taken it for a second opinion.

Am I wrong to be upset? Am I total bridezilla? I mean, I can make the best of it if it can't be fixed, but it will be a HUGE disappointment and I hope they will reimburse some of our money, at least what we paid for the alterations.

Thank you!! Lynn

I am so sad for you. This kind of thing should never happen. But I am sure the store will fix it. They may have to have a different lady do the work if the first one doesn't know how. From your description I am sure I could fix it to your liking. It may not be exactly like the original but I could get it close enough that you would not be so upset.

Try to not worry about it until you go to see what they have done so far. Insist that your sales lady or a manager be with you at all times while you are working with the alteration lady. If English is not her first language there is certainly a problem. I have friends who have lived here for many years and still misunderstand simply things I say. You are going to feel like a bridezilla, but hold your ground. You are right to feel upset but don't let it cloud your judgment. Stay calm but do demand that the job be done to your liking.

Is the sample gown your size? Ask if you can have that one. They may say they can't do that but they should do anything it takes to fix this.

It might be a good idea to bring someone along - Mom, Dad, best friend - to help or just be a witness.

You have great attitude. Good will come of this somehow. All you have to do is wait for it.

You are a doll, Leanna - thank you for taking your time to comfort distraught brides everywhere!

I feel better after your email (even though the first sentence made me hold my breath). My dress is a 14, and the sample is a 12, but I was actually thinking that I should try it again. But the shop is, how to put it nicely, not a swanky place. It looks dingy, but they have a HUGORMOUS selection of dresses in a very large range of sizes, so it was really a good place to look. So, I'd have to see what kind of shape the sample is in. But we'll see what happens with the next fitting on Wednesday.

I'm actually being a big fat 35 year old baby and having my mom call the store to ask the saleswoman to be present at the next fitting and explain the stress this is causing me (i've already called once and stopped in un-announced once). And mom will be there - as always. Yay, Mom!!

Thank you again - you are an angel, and I wish you were doing this for me!
Have a wonderful weekend.
xoLynn

Hi-
Just browsing and stumbled upon your site. I have a horror story in progress. I paid for 1/2 my dress from a bridal salon and it was ordered in Jan. 2003; they told me it would be here early April 2003. On May 9, I called to see where my dress was (no one had called me). They told me that the company who was making the dress never received the order but that they had sent the order. So now, they assure me that I will get the dress about 10 days before my wedding! They are being very confident but I don't trust them! Any ideas on how I should handle the situation..It is May 12 now and the 1000.00 dollar payment was processed on my credit card in January!!!! I feel like I'm in a corner and have no choice but to "wait and see". It's ruining my wedding experience. My wedding is June 28, 2003....What do you think???????

Tracy

I know this sounds bad, but it happens now and then. It may not even be anyone's lack of proper attention either. This is the busy wedding season and sometimes orders get delayed. It is never good for a bride's nerves but it usually works out. My biggest concern is have they promised you to have your alterations finished in that 10 day period? It normally takes weeks to alter a gown. It certainty can be done in as little as one day with great diligence, but the work is usually spread out over a few weeks to allow for multiple fittings and a bride's busy schedule.

Do you have a back-up plan. Not that I think you will need one, but it will help your nerves. Many Bridal stores have lovely dresses that are available off the rack. It would not be your first choice, but it can be just as beautiful. You can choose a dress as a back-up and if the store will cooperate, make an arrangement to purchase it if the other doesn't show.

Do you know what your sales contract says about this situation? What does the store owe you if the gown does not show up on time? If this is a reputable store they are doing everything they can to make this work for you. I know their assurances are not helping you to trust them, but I'm sure from what you have said that they are working on the problem for you.

Have they given you a number at the manufacturer that you can call to talk directly? They may not have one, but it's worth asking. Many manufacturers will only accept calls from the store and not the customer, but they might if you ask. Talking to them directly may help to ease your mind about the whole thing.

Unfortunately, it's past the 90 day period to issue a chargeback through your credit card company, but you might want to call them anyway and talk, again to just give you something to do that might ease your mind.

Have you talked to your groom about this? You may not want to bother him with it or you may think he doesn't care about the nitty gritty of the wedding plans, but if you can't talk to him about anything, than why would you be marring him - in my humble opinion. Letting him help you work through this could help you two become closer. Many a groom is desperately wanting to be included in the plans but doesn't know how to tell his nerve racked bride. Just a thought.

I hope some of this has helped. I know it's hard and you so desperately want everything to be perfect, but it still can be a wonderful day. I have lived trough many difficult last minute troubles with brides, and it has always worked out fine. Things happen, but they work out. Actually, I think it better that it doesn't go too easy. Because just like life, weddings have to be lived and a new couple has to make it together. When it goes too easy, there's nothing to cement the marriage. Cement is hard, but it's a good, stable thing to have forming the foundation of your new life together.

If none of this helps go to your nearest bookstore and buy "It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It" by Robert Fulghum. It's my favorite book of short stories. All of them are great, but read the stories on page 7 and 143.

Hang in there. It will be ok.

Total Disaster

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