Total Disaster

I'm an optimest and do my best to find the silver lining in any cloud, but brides often only see clouds. The wedding day has come to be so important in the life of a young lady that she often sees nothing good in tiny setbacks. It's easy to understand who this is. A little child dreams fo her wedding day. As she goes to weddings in her family she sees only the good stuff with her child's eyes. She doesn't see the behind the scenes problems that the rest of the adult family members do their best to hide from the guests. As this little gril grows, she adds to her dream of her perfect wedding day, her day to be the princess. She developes a list in her head of whta needs to be to make that day perfect. Any little thing that threatens any one item on that list is hard for her to deal with, but if several items go wrong at the same time, she can be devastated.

When this happens you need to step back and take a look at the big picture, select the item that is the easiest to fix, fix that item, than move on to another. Some hard choices need to be made and sometimes what results is not the exact dream the little girl developed from a life of dreaming BUT it can be every bit as precious a wedding day as the adult lady can cherish.

added July 2007

Wow, I wish I had found this site before alterations began, but alas... Thank you for all your advice and wisdom!

Here's my drama: I purchased a Maggie Sottero gown that I absolutely LOVE. It has the most amazing neckline - a wide, off the shoulder continuation of the beaded and embroidered bodice makes up the cap sleeves.

I went for my first fitting and got it pinned in at the bodice so it hugs my body and doesn't stick out. I have photos from the fitting, and the pins were taking the middle of the "sleeve" part in, and the continuous line of the bodice was very much still apparent and in-tact.

I went for my second fitting, and the sleeves had been completely cut off and tucked into the bodice to make it fit. Also, the sleeves had been tacked in more towards the center of the bust. When I asserted that it was definitely not okay, she pulled her stitches out, which is when I realized the sleeves had been cut apart from the dress - I almost burst into tears. We tacked the sleeves more at an angle, which was better as it was the original line of the dress, but they look like sleeves and not that continuous bodice that I feel makes the dress special. I'm hoping maybe there was a communication problem, even though the seamstress knows English. I held out the ends of the (heartbreakingly) cut lace and held it over the dress and asked "you can put this back here to make it look continuous again, right?" She said no. I've since called the saleswoman (who I've had a great experience with), and even stopped by the store to look at the sample dress because I couldn't stop stressing about it. The saleswoman has assured me that the seamstress can make it happen and that she has had conversations with the seamstress about how concerned I am, but she was not in the room when the seamstress told me she couldn't do it.

Does it look to you like it could be made to look like the original design if the lace was cut off the dress at the sleeve? I only have 3 weeks until the wedding, so I'm assuming there's no time for them to get me a new one and start over. I'm SO upset, because the dress was quite pricey, and I was NOT told that the design would be altered. I love this dress, and the bodice was by far my favorite part of it. If I had been told she was taking that design element away, I would have taken it for a second opinion.

Am I wrong to be upset? Am I total bridezilla? I mean, I can make the best of it if it can't be fixed, but it will be a HUGE disappointment and I hope they will reimburse some of our money, at least what we paid for the alterations.

Thank you!! Lynn

I am so sad for you. This kind of thing should never happen. But I am sure the store will fix it. They may have to have a different lady do the work if the first one doesn't know how. From your description I am sure I could fix it to your liking. It may not be exactly like the original but I could get it close enough that you would not be so upset.

Try to not worry about it until you go to see what they have done so far. Insist that your sales lady or a manager be with you at all times while you are working with the alteration lady. If English is not her first language there is certainly a problem. I have friends who have lived here for many years and still misunderstand simply things I say. You are going to feel like a bridezilla, but hold your ground. You are right to feel upset but don't let it cloud your judgement. Stay calm but do demand that the job be done to your liking.

Is the sample gown your size? Ask if you can have that one. They may say they can't do that but they should do anything it takes to fix this.

It might be a good idea to bring someone along - Mom, Dad, best friend - to help or just be a witness.

You have great attitude. Good will come of this somehow. All you have to do is wait for it.

You are a doll, Leanna - thank you for taking your time to comfort distraught brides everywhere!

I feel better after your email (even though the first sentence made me hold my breath). My dress is a 14, and the sample is a 12, but I was actually thinking that I should try it again. But the shop is, how to put it nicely, not a swanky place. It looks dingy, but they have a HUGORMOUS selection of dresses in a very large range of sizes, so it was really a good place to look. So, I'd have to see what kind of shape the sample is in. But we'll see what happens with the next fitting on Wednesday.

I'm actually being a big fat 35 year old baby and having my mom call the store to ask the saleswoman to be present at the next fitting and explain the stress this is causing me (i've already called once and stopped in un-announced once). And mom will be there - as always. Yay, Mom!!

Thank you again - you are an angel, and I wish you were doing this for me!
Have a wonderful weekend.
xoLynn

added June 2003

Hi-
Just browsing and stumbled upon your site. I have a horror story in progress. I paid for 1/2 my dress from a bridal salon and it was ordered in Jan. 2003; they told me it would be here early April 2003. On May 9, I called to see where my dress was (no one had called me). They told me that the company who was making the dress never received the order but that they had sent the order. So now, they assure me that I will get the dress about 10 days before my wedding! They are being very confident but I don't trust them! Any ideas on how I should handle the situation..It is May 12 now and the 1000.00 dollar payment was processed on my credit card in January!!!! I feel like I'm in a corner and have no choice but to "wait and see". It's ruining my wedding experience. My wedding is June 28, 2003....What do you think???????

Tracy

I know this sounds bad, but it happens now and then. It may not even be anyone's lack of proper attention either. This is the busy wedding season and sometimes orders get delayed. It is never good for a bride's nerves but it usually works out. My biggest concern is have they promised you to have your alterations finished in that 10 day period? It normally takes weeks to alter a gown. It certainty can be done in as little as one day with great diligence, but the work is usually spread out over a few weeks to allow for multiple fittings and a bride's busy schedule.

Do you have a back-up plan. Not that I think you will need one, but it will help your nerves. Many Bridal stores have lovely dresses that are available off the rack. It would not be your first choice, but it can be just as beautiful. You can choose a dress as a back-up and if the store will cooperate, make an arrangement to purchase it if the other doesn't show.

Do you know what your sales contract says about this situation? What does the store owe you if the gown does not show up on time? If this is a reputable store they are doing everything they can to make this work for you. I know their assurances are not helping you to trust them, but I'm sure from what you have said that they are working on the problem for you.

Have they given you a number at the manufacturer that you can call to talk directly? They may not have one, but it's worth asking. Many manufacturers will only accept calls from the store and not the customer, but they might if you ask. Talking to them directly may help to ease your mind about the whole thing.

Unfortunately, it's past the 90 day period to issue a chargeback through your credit card company, but you might want to call them anyway and talk, again to just give you something to do that might ease your mind.

Have you talked to your groom about this? You may not want to bother him with it or you may think he doesn't care about the nitty gritty of the wedding plans, but if you can't talk to him about anything, than why would you be marring him - in my humble opinion. Letting him help you work through this could help you two become closer. Many a groom is desperately wanting to be included in the plans but doesn't know how to tell his nerve racked bride. Just a thought.

I hope some of this has helped. I know it's hard and you so desperately want everything to be perfect, but it still can be a wonderful day. I have lived trough many difficult last minute troubles with brides, and it has always worked out fine. Things happen, but they work out. Actually, I think it better that it doesn't go too easy. Because just like life, weddings have to be lived and a new couple has to make it together. When it goes too easy, there's nothing to cement the marriage. Cement is hard, but it's a good, stable thing to have forming the foundation of your new life together.

If none of this helps go to your nearest bookstore and buy "It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It" by Robert Fulghum. It's my favorite book of short stories. All of them are great, but read the stories on page 7 and 143.

Hang in there. It will be ok.